Dear English language

It's been a while since I moved to NY.

I was 19 when I moved here, and now I am 25. 

I was such an awful highschool student. I feel like I wasn't present almost like half the time of my three years highschool, but for some reasons, i did graduate.

Those who don't read English, like my mom, sorry for not writing in Japanese (i'm not even sure if she reads my blog), but I'm just really not in a mood of writing in Japanese.

I guess all of you who speak multiple languages have experienced this kind of feeling of "not in a mood of speaking/ writing a particular language" and in my case, the unpreferred one is often my native tongue. 

As it is obligated, I started studying English at the age of 12, but I had never gotten to understand even a piece of it. At the age of 15, I made some friends in my lonely highschool life, and most of them were non-Japanese. 

They were the exchange students from the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Germany, and Newzealand. As Japanese was difficult, and all of us had English educations back home, English became the common language between us.

Since then, I've been speaking English. It has been 10 years.

The reason of my dislike of the highschool was the oppressive atmosphere surrounded the whole school. I was feeling like I was one of the absolute outsiders of this small society, and wanted to get out from there. But I know, at the same time, the most people were not feeling the same way I was. Many of my sweet classmates loved our school. 

I used to think I might be an alien, well, now I still do think sometimes, that we all are aliens. But I was an alien there in my school.

When those foreighners came to our school, I felt so relieved, and I learned English, to get to know them, to get to know outside, in order to gain some hopes in my hopeless life of the time. 

I learned English from speaking and listening. In comparison to my native tongue, I do have more difficulties in English literature. But, it is also true that English, surely is a part of my core, and almost feel like it's my second native tongue.

English was a key for me to get out of the oppressed Japanese highschool/ society, to outside, where no-Japanese rules are set. 

English language, I am really glad to get to know you. 

You'll forever be my important part of self.