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ディエブグ/ Diebougou


I wasn't sure if this was the right place for me. Maybe it was because I felt isolation from people's distinction between the races regarding to skin colors. New York, the place I liked and lived for 6 years, was where everybody who lives there is recognized as a New Yorker regardless of race, culture, place of origin, or skin color. I (from Japan, Asian, multicultural) was just a New Yorker but anything else. I was feeling so released in NY, from the small society of Tokyo, which made me feel like it almost forced me to accept "the homogeneous nation/ culture Japan." Me, who couldn't form myself to act as an ordinary Japanese, was so relaxed in the city where anything I do is just on my responsibility. 


I cried once in front of my friends about a month later I arrived to Diebougou. I don't know if it was just because I was in the sensitive period in my menstruation or if this thing really did mean a lot to me. But I was getting tired of being called "Tubabu" (someone with white skin) at everywhere I showed up. I was longing to become a part of the warm, strong, relationship between the people and felt that it seemed impossible to be and became lonely. "I wanted to have been born here." For the first time I thought like this. 


Now, I'm not sad anymore. At that time I think I was taking Diebougou as something different from myself, as somewhere I do not belong to. As I live my everyday life here, regardless of our will, I feel that I'm integrating into the city, am becoming a part of Diebougou. The phrase, "OUR Diebougou", is coming to fit well to my heart. Having more and more people who treat me as an individual instead of Tubabu, I feel that I'm finding my places. I wasn't born here but could become someone of here. I'm loving my life.