I had never known how I would feel by leaving NY and still I don't really know how I'm feeling now. I moved to NYC at the age of 19 and now I'm 25, after 5 and half years, I left there. Since the time I moved there, I've never considered my stay in NY as 'study abroad' but I've always thought I 'moved' and 'lived' there. If someone asks me what I was doing in NY, I can simply say I lived there, but nothing more.
19から25、ニューヨークに住んだ。19年も住んだ日本(というか東京)はもういいやと思って、舞台が好きで、ニューヨークに引っ越した。留学をしていると考えたことは後にも先にも一度もなくて、引っ越したんだって思ってた。どれだけ住むかは決めていなくて、ニューヨークを離れた今でさえ、それを決めたとは感じていない。
In fact, I still am not considering my leave as 'leave'. I feel like I am just traveling, but it is true that I do not 'live' there at the moment. Then, where do I live? I'm currently in Moscow, but I do not live here, do I? I'm going to Tokyo tomorrow, and will be in Ooita, another province in Japan after 6 days of the stay in Tokyo. While my stay in Japan, I will keep on moving from one place to another and will not stay in one place more than 3 weeks. Can I call this 'living'? If nothing changes, I will go to Burkina Faso from July and will stay there for 2 years. This more sounds like 'living.' Well, anyhow, I guess I am at the point of transition in my exciting life.
アフリカの何処かに住んでみたいとなんとなく思いはじめたのは多分、1年ちょっとくらい前で、青年海外協力隊に申し込んだのは今年の5月だったけ。ブルキナファソに派遣が決まった時、オッケー！そこに行くのだ！と思ったが、それがニューヨークを離れるという意味につながるとはなぜか思わなかった。だから今ここにきて、混乱してるんだと思う。
I guess I did not decide to 'leave' NY. I only decided to move to Africa. But I had never really realized that it would automatically result in 'leaving' NY. That was why it seemed strange for me to say goodbye to anyone. And also, that is why now in Moscow, I'm pretty confused. I'm maybe trying to figure out how to deal with my feelings.
モスクワで、混乱しながら、いろんな感覚を整理しようとしてる。だから、ブログに書くことがいっぱいあるんだろう。
4days in Moscow gave me what I needed. Being in the middle of nowhere (I'm sorry. I do like Russia and willing to come back.) and feeling and listening to my own self was an important step I needed now, before going to Japan. この私のニューヨークと東京の間に挟まれた4日間は間違いなく私に必要な時間だった。誰でもない私に戻り、自分を少し見つめ直して、とりあえずマトリョーシカを買って、考えて。なんとなく、整理がついて、明日から日本です。
